Can You Trust Me?
by MyGayAnimeBabies
Summary: Yuri Plisetsky is damaged. And there's no one to help him. He punishes himself with his feelings for Otabek Altin that he forces himself to believe are wrong. But after a certain event Yuri cracks and a knife is drawn deep into his flesh. Will he survive? Will he want to? Read this to find out. Otayuri/Victuuri
1. Giving Up

Disclaimer: I do _not_ own Yuri! On Ice or the characters, if I make up a character I will say so at the end of the chapter.

I searched, but could not find a final ship name for them, sorry.

Trigger warning, self-harm, attempted suicide, etc.

. Y.P . - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - . Y.P .

The lights were off, door locked, thick, dark curtains nailed shut onto the window. I'm sitting in the middle of the bed, knees to my chest, one arm stretched out in front of my body, palm up, the other hand with a worn razor blade from the Home Depot, sliding across my wrist, making deep gashes.

 _One more time._ I think. Another cut. Blood beads up.

 _One more cut.._ I think. Another cut. Blood runs

 _One more..._ Another cut. Blood rolls around my too-skinny arm.

 _Just one more..._ Another. Blood drips onto my lap and bed.

 _One..._ Another. Blood stains.

There's a rapid knock at the door, disrupting me from my primary focus at the moment. I clear my voice, putting myself into 'Yuri Mode.'

"Who is it?" I ask, making my voice cold. Yuri doesn't like people knocking at his door at 3:00 A.M. I stand up and wrap a towel around my arm just in case.

"Its Grandpa, Victor's here, said he needs you, somethin' to do with that other Yuri, also, Otabek's with them."

Otabek... my wander wonders for a split second before I put it back together. I growl. Yuri doesn't like them. "Twenty-five minutes." I need a shower to clean my arm, plus, Yuri makes people wait on him.

I grab some decent clothes and go into the bathroom and lock the door. Undressing, I turn on the cold water, step in and just stand there, not thinking, not processing, just staring at the red blood swirling into the drain. I hear another rapid knock at the door, but it isn't as loud as Grandpa's knock. Knowing its not him, I make my voice harsh. "What? Who is it?"

"Its Otabek, what are you doing in there? Its been nearly a hour, hurry up."

Its Otabek. Otabek Altin. In my room, with me in the showing, naked. Blushing to myself I turn off the water, it doesn't matter that I didn't wash, I showered when I woke up. I step out, dry off, then dress, I open my door to an impatient looking Otabek. He doesn't say anything? I take the towel I used to dry with and ruffle my hair with it.

"What?" I say, making sure to add acid into my voice. Yuri doesn't like people staring without talking.

"Your arm is bleeding." Is all he says in a soft and gentle voice.

"Oh? Um, my cat scratched me, it must've opened up in the shower." I manage to lie in a casual 'Yuri Mode' voice.

His graze then moves from my now dripping arm to the towel in my bathroom. I try to shut the door but slams his strong arm onto it, making it fly open. He speed walks into my bathroom and grabs the towel.

"Then why do you have a towel with lines of blood still fresh in your bathroom hidden in a trash can, Yuri?" His voice is so gentle and kind. Oh, god. He knows. I feel my face go pale and I start to stutter.

"I- Um, I- Mul- Multiple cuts fro- from my-my cat-t" I somehow shove out of mouth. He's stepping closer to me..

Slowly, he starts to pull off my jacket. I snap back into my 'Yuri Mode' again. Slapping his hands away I glare at him.

"What do you think your doing? Leave my room! I'll be down when I please to be!" I snap at him.

"Yuri, you don't have to go through this alo-"

"GO!" If he talks anymore, or if I talk anymore, I'll breakdown and cry, and Yuri doesn't cry.

He gives me a frustrated yet sympathetic look, as he walks to the already open door, his gaze drops on my bloody bed and blade. He's stopped walking.

"Yuri.." a tear glistens down his cheek. Wait... he's crying, Otabek Altin is crying. Because of me. Slower than before, he walks to me. My body shakes, breath quivers. He goes for my jacket again, and this time I let him.

"Yuri..." I cast my eyes to my toes. Looking at him is impossible. I feel his hand lift up my chin, and even in a moment like this, I blush looking into his perfect round chocolate eyes.. But I _can't_ let this happen.. I just can't. Making my self go into 'Yuri Mode', I shove him off and give him my signature glare.

"Leave, and don't _ever, ever_ say anything about what happened don't you _ever_ tell _anyone_ , and don't fucking talk to me ever again." I don't want to say this. I want him to stay, tell me that everything is ok and that he wont leave me, that he will stay. But he doesn't, he walked straight out the door with no emotion in eyes except hatred. The second he leaves I run to door and slam it so it closed, locking it shut. No one can help me now.. god, what have I done? Why couldn't I have just let him stay and help me? What is so wrong with me?

 _"_ Everything.." I answer my own question aloud. Its not like any anyone will miss me, In fact, I'll be doing all my "rivals" a favor. Less competition..

Sneaking into the kitchen, I find a big, sharp knife and pull off my shirt. I take it and dig it into my arm, palm down, dragging it from my middle finger to my shoulder. I examine it for a moment, watching the blood flow onto the marble-tiled floor. Good.. Its deep, _very_ deep. I do the same thing to my other arm and after a few minutes I start to get a little dizzy. I drawn a few more lines deeper by the lines already made on both arms. I find a scrap paper out of a drawer with a pen.

 _Goodbye,_

 _Yuri Plisetsky_

I make some more lines, even deeper than before and I hear myself fall before I feel the ground. I push my eyes open, I don't know why, but when I'm found, I want them to see my eyes open.. lifeless... to make sure, I lightly cut my throat so some blood drizzles out.

My eyes are open, but then I don't see anything anymore, don't feel anything, don't remember, I'm gone.


	2. Blood, Anger, and Dismay

**O. Altin's POV**

 **Russian Yuri will be spelled with one u and Japanese Yuuri will be spelled with two, but there may be a chance I mess up on a few, sorry. The people still call Yuri Yurio though.**

The air was cold and damp, I had ran downstairs and out the door, clouded with my own emotions, not focused on Yuri's. When I took off his jacket, there were layers over layers of deep silver lines and open cuts trickling blood mixed with water down his pale, thin arm, gradually hitting the floor. It was horrendous, this must have been going on for years. How could no one have noticed? Its all so visible and obvious to me now, that thick wall blocking out all emotions, always pretending.. Why haven't I noticed before? I want to hold him, tell him it will be okay. But I didn't.

"Otabek? Hey! Otabek? You there?" A voice snaps me out of my trance along with a hand frantically waving in front of my eyes.

"What's wrong?" Victor asks, looking concerned. I forgot about my poker face and force it back on.

Can I trust them? I want to, they're my friends and maybe even Yuri's. But I don't think they can keep secrets. Not ones like these. Besides, Yuri would _kill_ me if I told

"Sorry, just tired, I didn't sleep much the other night." I lie, flipping my hair to try and play it off as casual. Yuuri seems to accept this, however Victor doesn't seem as convinced but drops it anyways.

"Where's Yurio? Didn't you go up to get him like twenty minutes ago?" Yuuri curiously asks me.

"Uh, I don't think he's coming down.."

"Why?" Victor interrupts what Yuuri was going to say.

I fumble over my words, unsure of what to say. I don't know the right thing to say that won't sound made up and silly.

"Oh, come on, Otabek! I am _not_ stupid! You're stuttering! Something is up and I know Yuri has to do with it, it's why he hasn't came down, isn't it?"

His vivid ocean-blue eyes stare me down, and I've never been good at lying, especially under pressure like this. It may be best to keep my mouth shut, but it will only confirm and add on to his suspicions.

"He doesn't feel good, chill out, he was pretty sick, he's gotta have the flu or something." I gulp. My voice doesn't even sounds convincing to me.

Something mixes in his face, but it's clear he still doesn't believe me. Suddenly the emotions in his face drop and turn into confusion.

"Hey, look at his arm, right there." He points near my right wrist and glancing his eyes towards Yuuri. Having no idea what they are talking about, I hold up my right wrist and look at it by instinct. Dried, sticky blood sits there, drying into the lines of my skin. My breath stops in the middle of my throat, eyes widening. It must of come from Yuri when I took his jacket off or picked up his blood-stained towel.

"Its not your blood." Yuuri speaks up. The tone in his voice brings out confusion, curiosity, and more so a questioning voice than a statement.

My insides feel like a drum being banged on, panic shooting through my body, but I manage to keep up my poker face. Resisting the urge to tighten my jaw I calmly speak, making sure to slide an annoyed tone into my voice.

"I had a nose bleed, it happens occasionally when it's hot, in case you were unaware of human physics." I slid some acid and sarcasm into my voice.

"I really, _really_ don't believe you, I mean we're in Russia! You didn't even think that lie through properly. Otabek, tell me the truth, _now_." Victors voice is filled with fury, his eyebrows twitching up and his breath is starting to get a little labored. I've never seen him like this before. He's normally so calm and free-spirited.

Just then, before I could come up with another lie, a helpless voice hollered out, begging for help. All three of us discard the situation, sprinting through the mansion, trying to find the source of the yelling. Slamming open every door I saw, I called for Yuri and Nikolai, desperate for a yell back, or anything really. Some are locked, some aren't even closed. I'm running out of doors, and there is still no sign of Yuri or his grandfather.

"Guys, in the kitchen! Hurry, please!" I hear a voice, sounding like Yuuri's call with horror filled in his voice.

I feel my heart tightening as I run to the kitchen, terrified of what i might see. Beating Victor to the kitchen by seconds, my body freezes and I make an inhumane noise. Yuri is still on the ground, thick blood staining the tile floor. Deep cuts in vertical and horizontal rows on his arms, a shallow cut grazing over his neck, his mutated skin paler than usual. Nikolai is crouched over him, Yuuri stuck a few feet away from him, seeming scared to get closer. Tears form in my eyes but don't dare drop, not in front of people. His vacant green eyes, always so... emotionless. And then that's when I realized, that's how they always look, every second, every minute, every hour, every day. Never changing. What could have possibly happened to him? What _pain_ is in him? Some source of happiness must be in there. Making myself focused, I scoop up his small frame, ignoring the protest from Nikolai. Holding on tightly, protecting his bod, I look down at his body, which I immediately regret. Blood drips off his body and soaks me but I don't mind.

"Call 911, now, Ill try and meet them on the way." My voice flows out, hard and cold. When I go to check his pulse as I dash out the door, I let my tears fall.

 **Ok so I'm sorry it's been almost a month and there is only 1,113 words, but since you might be expecting a lame excuse, mine is that i don't like writing on my phone and i have been using my cousins laptop which i cant always get to. So I hope you like it and didn't think it was cheesy, and please leave tips. Thanks for reading!**

 **~ Elisabeth**


	3. AN So Sorry!

fuck. so I kinda explain my absence in my next chapter that i'm currently working on. so sorry.


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